We have all kinds of mentors in life. Some who inspire different parts of ourselves. Have you ever heard someone say “you act different around so-and-so”? Well I have, and what I have to say is yes, I do. I act differently because they bring out a certain part of me. Humans are so dynamic. Our personalities are so complex. There are certain people we click with and certain people we don’t. I watched a video about the law of attraction recently with Will Smith. It was an older YouTube video, but it was so inspiring! Basically Will Smith about how when you decide what you want to be, the universe moves out of your way – we are who we choose to be. He also talks about how words and thoughts have physical power in space. The more positively we think, the more positive our actions become. If I were not an education major I definitely would love the study of how the brain works – I am a science and psychology nerd! The power of a thought is amazing! Every invention started from just an idea in someone’s brain! Just like writing! If writing comes from our thoughts, isn’t writing an invention in itself?!
A slice of alfredo pizza sounds appealing right now, but instead let’s focus a short bit on a slice of my life…
My dog is awesome! She is my ride or die. She is there through the highs and lows and loves me unconditionally. 🙂
This morning I took her on a short walk with me to the office clubhouse in my apartment complex. I was there to print stuff out and was getting stressed because the printer was not stocked with paper and when I returned with more paper from home, the printer was out of ink! I was so frustrated and about to cry, but then I looked at my dog and she was sitting there so calmly. She looked up at me and perked her ears up. For a short moment, I understood what it felt like to be a dog. Life is so simple, you don’t have to worry about printing! When you’re a dog, you just eat, sleep, and poop! Did I mention endless belly rubs?
Would you switch places with your pet for a day? I would.
Today was an okay day.
I am running on no sleep, doing a lot of soul searching in my mind. I am mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. My most recent boyfriend and I broke up during the summer and I am still having moments and days where I am blue. We spent every day together, so it is hard for everything not to remind me of him…whether its a song, a mutual friend sparking up a conversation, a place we always went together, seeing his family post on social media, etc. UGHHH….I hate it. We both are unsure of why the break up is happening. He’s my best friend and we have been hanging out as friends but it is hard. To me, it’s like our relationship is moving in reverse. We went from dating and being in love to just friends. Break ups are hard to deal with….nobody wants to hear you crying to them about your ex. Especially in your 20’s. I feel very emotionally independent now…but there are times where if someone would ask me how I feel I could talk about it for hours. I did at first, but my talking did not help me see what happened like I thought it would. I gave up. You know how you sometimes talk to people to hear your own words and get a better towatch your mind come alive and their response helps you get perspective? NOPE, still is not happening….I don’t understand and if I think about it and try to piece it all together it is to broken to fix. So it becomes this cycle, of well maybe it could work but then no, it’s too broken.
I’m not ashamed to share how I feel. My feelings and emotions are part of who I am. Humans were born with emotions for a reason. I feel broken, but there is something inside of me that is stronger than anything! The power of the holy spirit has me going. It’s kind of like when your gas tank is on empty but for some odd reason your car is still running. I call this angel dust. I am discovering there is always a little ounce of hope right before a new chapter begins. The sadness stays to remind you to be grateful for all the happy moments. Sometimes life is hard and the reality should be shared. I always see people being positive and I try for the most part to be positive. But sometimes I look at my social media and see people only sharing the good things about their life (which is expected, and even I of course like to do this). But there’s something special about sharing the bad moments too, to know you are not alone. I am satisfied with my own imperfect life. My life is sad, happy, mad, silly, serious, amazing, and awesome. My life is resilient, young, and a complete open road map with all different choices and routes to take. I promise no matter what path I take, I promise to live it. God created us in his perfect image, to be fruitful, to create, to live…so I am trusting it and continuing on despite my broken heart.
So today was a longggggggggggggggg day. Class was cancelled, so I made the best of it and became super productive with my school work and the social aspect of my life. I just found out yesterday one of my best friends is pregnant. On top of that I have a lot going on with family and going through a break-up with my boyfriend of one year. Needless to say, it’s been one emotional roller coaster. Focusing on the positives, I am so happy to finally be catched up with my school work. I am especially happy with the next chapter of my best friend’s life. I have already started to consider the planning of her baby shower. I’ve never planned a baby shower, so this is a new and exciting experience as well. We have already had lunch to celebrate her pregnancy! She thinks it is a girl and so do I. We had a long talk with the worker at HEB about how food cravings most of the time are great predictors of the sex of the baby. The manager of the Deli claimed his wife craved vegetables, salads, and citrus to relate to my friend’s current craving. It turned out his wife had a girl. My preggo friend excitedly cried “SEE! I know it’s going to be a girl!” (We hope so. Her significant other is rooting for a boy.) As her best friend, I cannot wait to join her on her pregnant journey and be there when the baby arrives. I also look forward to the future of watching her baby grow! We have already planned a trip to half price books to get informative baby books. She is already super protective and proactive! It’s been two days since we have found out. I was the first one she told 🙂 At HEB, after we lunch in the deli, we bought prenatal pills. Her next step is scheduling a doctor’s appointment. She has taken six pregnancy tests!!! She insisted on buying another one today…I told her do not even bother girl, even if the last one comes out negative, you still have five that all say positive from like three different brands. JUST GO TO THE DOCTOR. HAHA.
My first slice of life will be of my evening at the grocery store. Since I have been out of toilet paper a week and a half I decided it was time to take a step towards less difficult methods of wiping. Sorry if that’s T.M.I.; but when you are on a college budget and are out of toilet paper/busy/poor when not busy, you get tired of being creative and tearing up little paper towels or using cheap make-up remover wipes as a desperate, quick go-to from your bathroom sink cabinet. Why I chose to write about this? Beats me. Maybe I’m hoping somebody will relate because I feel so wrong about this private aspect of my life.
Anywho…back to my grocery store visit. I went right after my Wednesday evening class to the small HEB because the big one is just too big when you’re tired and want your bed. As I walk in I see a guy with sunglasses coming into the store too, I’m pretty sure it was not because he was blind. BUT I WASN’T JUDGIN’ even though it was dark outside and made no sense, but I’m sure he had his reasons. After all…who am I to judge? Really? cough cough….(toilet paper). I saw lots of tired people and could relate (we would shoot a smile and deep down I feel they could feel my tiredness too). As our bloodshot eyes met and our drained complexioned faces forced our cheek muscles up, it was nice to know I could relate with them and that actually made me not have to force my smile anymore. SMILE AT PEOPLE GUYS, people like me actually appreciate it.
I walked the aisles and found which one had toilet paper. I looked above the aisles and read the categories…finally came across “bath tissue”. Does anyone call it bath tissue? Or does the store just want to be conservative? I went down the aisle, passed the paper towels, then AHA! toilet paper. I grabbed the Angel Soft…I’m usually a fan of buying finer foods but when it comes to toilet paper – that’s like THE EASIEST PART of actually rolling with a budget. I guess I’ve never cared about the texture of my toilet paper. I wouldn’t know if other people know because I usually don’t bring that up in conversation. On the other hand, there are plenty of people buying the nicer kind of toilet paper, I only know that because how else would the toilet paper company still be selling after so many years? Somebody’s buying it, which is why they are makin’ money and continuing the product! Ugh….that just made me think of my economics class in high school.
Wow! I like writing my thoughts down. I never thought about how much I think until I actually write. But literally every move I make, I’m thinking something. In the store, I didn’t realize how many thoughts I had until now. And trust me, I didn’t cover even half of those thoughts. I feel like if I did I would be writing way too much for this snippet of my life. A snippet would probably turn into a snippet sequel times 100.
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